Category: Love Unfiltered

The part that still gets Bea, is the fact that Hadassah was her best friend.

After a relationship that never quite got its footing, a best friend who turned out to be playing a different game entirely, and a betrayal that only fully came to light long after the fact, Bea* (23) is still piecing together the parts she wasn’t there to see. In this story, she and Nadia* (24) — the other woman at the centre of it — go back to the beginning, and to everything that was happening just outside Bea’s line of sight. 

Let’s start from the very beginning. How did you and Hadassah meet?

Bea: It was January of 2019, the first week of uni. We had a class together, and we just started talking, first with each other, and then with a group of other girls around us. It was one of those things where you meet someone and the conversation flows from the start. Fast-forward a few weeks later, and we were a group of six who, more often than not, were always seen together.

And where did you and Hadassah fall within that group?

Bea: We were the closest out of everyone. The group was the group, but Hadassah and I had our own thing within it. We’d do things together that weren’t necessarily group activities — nights out, just the two of us, that kind of thing.

What made you two closer than the rest?

Bea: I think we just gravitated toward each other. We knew more about each other’s lives than the rest of the group did. Whatever was going on with me, she knew and vice versa. That’s how it was. She was my best friend. 

Nadia, were you also part of this friend group?

Nadia: I was, yes. And you could tell that Bea and Hadassah had their own thing within the group. The same way everyone kind of had their person — that was theirs

So how did Kofi come into the picture?

Bea: It was the first semester of our second year. I had gone to Hadassah’s place so we could go to school together, and while I was there, her boyfriend called. He was going out that night, to the club for someone’s birthday, and he asked Hadassah to come along with him. He knew me as well, so when she mentioned I was with her, he said I could come along.

And that’s where you met Kofi?

Bea: Yeah. Initially, he didn’t even speak to me. We didn’t speak to each other for most of the night. It wasn’t until someone else came to talk to me that he suddenly appeared and asked the person to excuse himself so he could have a chat with me. I thought it was so weird. I still don’t know why the other person even gave him a chance, but he did, and we spoke, and from the beginning, it was just intense. 

When did you both start dating?

Bea: There was no definite moment; we just started seeing each other almost every weekend, hanging out, going on dates, that kind of thing. He was always the type to show me off to his friends, so it gave the impression that we were together. Then one day, he randomly referred to himself as my boyfriend, and I didn’t say anything.  That was how it started. 

And what was it like being his girlfriend?

Bea: It was confusing, genuinely. We had great banter, and I liked him enough to stick around, but he was never a straightforward person. Sometimes Hadassah would come to me and tell me she heard he’s talking to someone else or that sometimes when she’s out with her man, he shows up with someone else. When I ask him about it, he’d swear it was all lies and I wouldn’t push it. As I said, I liked him enough to stick around, and we were just doing whatever we were doing — until we weren’t. 

I assume this is the part where you got involved, Nadia?

Nadia: Involved? More like unwittingly dragged into it. For the most part, especially at the start of all this, I didn’t even know what was going on.

Interesting. How did the proposal come to you then?

Nadia: It was a Friday. Zara (a mutual friend of ours who was also a part of the friend group), Hadassah, and I were walking back to our accommodation from campus, just chatting and being silly as usual, when Hadassah brought it up. She mentioned she had a dinner date with her boyfriend that Sunday and that his friend would be third-wheeling. She then went on to ask if I’d be interested in coming as his date. 

I wasn’t interested, and I told her as much. So to sort of cajole me into coming, she told me the guy was super into me because he had already seen pictures of me on my Instagram account, and that it happened while she was scrolling through my profile on her phone.

She made it a point to let me know that he was so interested in me that he’d offered her money to make a meet-up between us happen. Right after that, she also admitted to requesting the money, but called it a playful gesture. 

What was your reaction in that moment?

Nadia: I showed no obvious enthusiasm because I honestly couldn’t have been less interested. 

Because you knew she was trying to set you up with Bea’s ex?

That’s the funny part. I wasn’t aware of that fact at the time.

Really?

Yeah. It wasn’t until she kept pushing for me to come on the date with them that she let his name slip, and even then, I didn’t recognize the name, but Zara did and she immediately started asking questions.

Seems messy. How did this revelation make you feel?

Nadia: It threw me off, but Hadassah didn’t seem bothered at all. She kept making comments like, “They’re not together anymore, so why should it matter?” “You don’t have to make it a big deal, just come to dinner.” But if I’m being honest, I were judging her. Hard. And from the look on Zara’s face, she was too.

So how did all of this get back to you?

Bea: Hadassah told me herself. I paid her a visit one day and she brought it up. 

The way she told it, she was scrolling through Instagram, and Kofi happened to see Nadia’s page and asked to be introduced. She said she initially refused, and that’s when he offered her money. At the time, I wasn’t even upset. We were no longer together, and the way she framed it, Kofi with his wandering eye had made the first move. 

But Kofi told you a different story?

Bea: Eventually, yeah. There was a period where Kofi and I started talking again, and I confronted him about trying to move to my friend not long after we’d gone our separate ways. He straight up told me that I had the whole thing wrong and explained that he’d been joking around, saying he was single and searching, and Hadassah, unprompted, said she had someone for him, showed him Nadia’s instagram, and asked to be paid to set up a meet.

And when you found that out, did you go back to Hadassah?  

Bea: She actually came to me. But instead of just being straight with me, she spent the whole time trying to justify what she did, which I didn’t appreciate. 

I never asked her to give me the information she did in the first place. I was blissfully unaware. She decided to come to me with a version that  made it seem like it was all Kofi’s doing when she was the one who initiated everything. If she had been honest from the start, maybe I would have been a little offended but not as offended as I was when I found out later that she not only started it, but she also lied about it and then tried to justify her actions.

So where do things stand between you two now?

Bea: Things started to go downhill with us after this. We’re still friends, but we’re not as close as we were before. 

And with you and Nadia?

Bea: We’re still very cool. I’ve never blamed Nadia for a damn thing.

Nadia: If anything, we were actually getting closer around the time all of this was happening, and I can’t say anything changed between us after all of this. We’re still good.

The crazy part is, I’d go back to her if she’d let me.

After a relationship that dissolved quietly, a joint savings account left unsettled, and the slow realisation that compatibility isn’t the same as love, Abshir* (30) is still making sense of what they had.

In this story, he talks about falling for someone who was more in love with the idea of them than with him, and what that taught him about reading the signs early on.

What’s your relationship status right now, and how are you feeling about it? 

Single. And honestly, it’s strange, because the relationship didn’t end with a dramatic fight. It just… dissolved. We stopped being together before she officially called it quits, and I’m still trying to make sense of it.

Let’s go back to the beginning. How did you two meet?

It was at a volleyball court. I used to play regularly, and she came around as someone just learning the sport. I started teaching her the basics — technique, positioning, that kind of thing. In the beginning, it was purely casual. “Hi, hello, see you next time”. Nothing serious.

Then one Sunday, I was heading to church when I ran into her. Turns out we attended the same church, but we sat in totally different areas, so I asked her if she’d like to sit with me, and she did. 

After the service, I invited her to a game night we were hosting at the church that same evening, which she agreed to attend. That night was the first time we really talked. 

What happened that night?

Everything happened so fast. She told me about herself and her family, and I did too. There was an ease to that conversation that surprised me, and by the time we were heading back, I already knew I wanted more than friendship. 

Interesting. What did you do about it?

I told her. That same night, I told her I wasn’t interested in something casual. I wanted something serious. I wanted us to work toward something real, toward marriage even. She had a boyfriend at the time, so I knew what I was saying definitely caught her off guard, but I said it anyway.

Hmm, so what happened next?

We started spending more time together. She worked not too far from where I lived, and sometimes she’d stop by before or after her shifts. We’d eat, talk, laugh; eventually, the conversations naturally moved toward our plans for the future. We were planning a life together without ever formally saying that we were together.

That sounds like it could get complicated

Well, yes. But at the time, it felt good. She was someone I genuinely enjoyed being around. We had real banter, the kind where you always find something new to laugh about, something new to “argue” about. Even now, when we get on calls, we can talk for hours. That connection didn’t disappear.

But I think I mistook that ease for something it wasn’t. I thought it meant we were building something together. I didn’t realise she might have been enjoying the friendship while I was falling in love.

When did you start to sense that something was off?

It crept up on me. She’d go through these phases where we’d be inseparable for a few months, and then she’d pull back. She’d get distant, as if she were second-guessing things, second-guessing us. 

There were moments where I could tell she was restless, like she was waiting to feel something more than she did. She never said it outloud, but I could feel the difference between her being present and her going through the motions.

Did you ever talk about it?

Not exactly. We did take a break at some point, at her request. She said things were moving too fast, that she needed space to consider if what we had was what she really wanted. I respected it, but we kept talking during that time. We couldn’t really stay away from each other, but we also weren’t exactly together. 

Slowly, the same conversations about the future started creeping back in. The marriage talk, the planning, and I let myself believe that meant she had made up her mind.

What about the financial side of things? you were saving money together?

That’s something I’m actually proud of, even now. I wasn’t the best at putting money aside consistently. I understood the principle, but making it a habit was hard. She convinced me to cultivate the habit, so when I decided I was finally ready to start actively saving, I suggested joint savings. I thought it made sense, given the future we were planning and the fact that it’d help me stay consistent. 

Every month after I got my paycheck, I’d send a portion of it to her, she’d add hers, then move it into a savings app.

And when the relationship ended, how did you split it?

That’s where it got complicated. We never tracked things in a granular way. There were no labels on what was mine and what was hers. We’d dip into it for emergencies without keeping receipts. 

“When it became clear things were ending, we tried to work out a split. She knew I had put in more, probably closer to sixty or seventy percent of what was there. So she suggested 60-40, acknowledging she would take the smaller share even if it was still a little more than she strictly deserved. I resisted that. 

 In the end, I told her to hold on to it for now. We haven’t formally settled it. The money is still sitting with her. I think part of me was hoping that leaving it unresolved meant we weren’t fully done. Maybe that was naive.

Do you think she ever loved you the way you loved her?

I think she cared about me, genuinely. I don’t think any of it was dishonest or calculated. But there’s a difference between caring for someone and being in love with them. She was in love with the idea of us — the safety of it, the comfort. I was in love with her.

What did this relationship teach you?

That compatibility isn’t the same as love. We were compatible, we made each other laugh, we challenged each other, we could talk about anything. But she didn’t love me enough to be all the way in.

I also learned that when someone shows you their ambivalence, even quietly, or indirectly, you have to believe them. I kept reinterpreting the signs as temporary. As something that would pass once she felt safe enough. It never did.

If you could go back and do things differently, would you?

No, I wouldn’t do things differently. Even knowing how it all turned out, I can’t say I regret choosing her. She changed me, and I needed that. Would I change the ending? Yeah. But the choices I made? I’d do that again.

I couldn’t live the rest of my life in a state of paranoia.

When Tamilore* (23) first met Kofi* (33) on Instagram, it seemed like just another casual connection. But what started as flirtatious messages and easy dates slowly spiralled into a relationship filled with betrayal, manipulation, and impossible choices.

In this story, she reflects on the shocking discoveries, the audacity of his actions, and the moment she realized she could no longer trust the man she once loved.

How We Met

Kofi and I met on Instagram in 2021. It was pretty random; he followed me one day out of the blue, and occasionally, he’d like my stories. Things never really kicked off between us until I replied to one of his stories.

All I really remember is coming across a story of his where he said, “I never get the type of love that I give.” So naturally, I responded with “What type of love do you give?” After that, our conversation flowed pretty effortlessly.

A week or two later, my birthday rolls around, and he sends me a couple of gifts and asks to meet up. Things didn’t work out on that day, but we eventually planned a movie date and met up for the very first time.

Getting Together

Honestly, it just kind of happened. I don’t remember there being any girlfriend “proposals” or anything special. There was nothing ceremonious about it. We had already been intimate at the time, we just kept on seeing each other, and before I knew it, whatever it was we were doing had a label.

Things were great in the beginning. We loved spending time with each other, so we were together a lot. We’d lounge around in his apartment doing everything, and somehow nothing, we’d go on dates, spend weekends together, the works. 

He was attentive in ways that felt thoughtful. Once, I shared a post on my story of a River Island bag with the caption “so cute,” and a few days later, I got a package delivered to my place. It was the bag. He planned dates, paid attention to what I liked, and gave cash gifts without making a show of it. At the time, it felt easy to trust him because his actions consistently showed up before his words ever had to.

The Unraveling

Coming into Kofi’s life, I was well aware that he had this female friend (Sofia*) who he was really close to, but I never gave it much thought because I had no reason to. However, curiosity got the best of me one day, and I went snooping. Safe to say, I found way more than I intended to. 

Kofi travelled occasionally, and when he’d return, I’d go over to his place, and we’d spend the night together. On this particular occasion, he had just returned from a trip, and I was with him, but someone else kept blowing up his phone. Naturally, I was intrigued, so after he had gone to bed, I decided that it was time for curiosity to kill the cat.

When I unlocked his phone, I realised it was none other than Sofia who was repeatedly texting, so I opened the chat and read through it. That’s when I found out that what Kofi and Sofia had was way more than an innocent friendship. Not only that, but Kofi was also simultaneously messing around with a couple of other people. 

I felt betrayed. We had been together for three years. This was someone I loved, someone who, at the time, I could see myself settling down with, so to see how reckless and downright disrespectful he was being to what we had, broke me.

What Happened Next

I stayed. I couldn’t leave. I knew I had to, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave. The only thing was, I slowly started to check out mentally. 

As time went on, I became distant. I could not stand the thought of being intimate with him or being with him, period, and he began to notice.  

We had planned a trip prior to my discovery, and by the time I had fully come to terms with what I had to do, it was already around the corner, so I decided to wait. Luckily, some things came up, and we had to postpone our trip.

I knew I couldn’t be with him anymore, so I took that as a sign to have the hard conversation. I sat Kofi down and told him everything I had found out— the real nature of his relationship with Sofia, the casual cheating, and even the girls he had flown out to meet him while he was away.

Damage Control

Kofi was super apologetic. He didn’t try to make excuses or justify his cheating. He begged me not to leave and promised to be better for me, for us. I don’t know if I did it out of my love for him or because I felt bad that he was going through a bit of a tough time when I sprung this conversation on him, but I decided to give things another try. 

It was during this time that Kofi walked in on a random day with a tattoo of my full government name tattooed on his belly. I was dumbfounded, and I started to think about the gall of this man, who was probably still in contact with some of the girls he had cheated on me with, but somehow still had the audacity to sprawl my name across his stomach. 

Having this thought pop up made me curious again, so while Kofi slept at night, I went through his phone again. 

This time, I found nothing. I did notice that there was a girl he had been texting, but the texts were totally harmless, borderline innocent. 

I broke up with Kofi two weeks after looking through his phone because, though I found nothing, that was proof to me that I could no longer trust him, and I can’t go the rest of my life constantly looking over my shoulder.