I couldn’t live the rest of my life in a state of paranoia.
When Tamilore* (23) first met Kofi* (33) on Instagram, it seemed like just another casual connection. But what started as flirtatious messages and easy dates slowly spiralled into a relationship filled with betrayal, manipulation, and impossible choices.
In this story, she reflects on the shocking discoveries, the audacity of his actions, and the moment she realized she could no longer trust the man she once loved.
How We Met
Kofi and I met on Instagram in 2021. It was pretty random; he followed me one day out of the blue, and occasionally, he’d like my stories. Things never really kicked off between us until I replied to one of his stories.
All I really remember is coming across a story of his where he said, “I never get the type of love that I give.” So naturally, I responded with “What type of love do you give?” After that, our conversation flowed pretty effortlessly.
A week or two later, my birthday rolls around, and he sends me a couple of gifts and asks to meet up. Things didn’t work out on that day, but we eventually planned a movie date and met up for the very first time.
Getting Together
Honestly, it just kind of happened. I don’t remember there being any girlfriend “proposals” or anything special. There was nothing ceremonious about it. We had already been intimate at the time, we just kept on seeing each other, and before I knew it, whatever it was we were doing had a label.
Things were great in the beginning. We loved spending time with each other, so we were together a lot. We’d lounge around in his apartment doing everything, and somehow nothing, we’d go on dates, spend weekends together, the works.
He was attentive in ways that felt thoughtful. Once, I shared a post on my story of a River Island bag with the caption “so cute,” and a few days later, I got a package delivered to my place. It was the bag. He planned dates, paid attention to what I liked, and gave cash gifts without making a show of it. At the time, it felt easy to trust him because his actions consistently showed up before his words ever had to.
The Unraveling
Coming into Kofi’s life, I was well aware that he had this female friend (Sofia*) who he was really close to, but I never gave it much thought because I had no reason to. However, curiosity got the best of me one day, and I went snooping. Safe to say, I found way more than I intended to.
Kofi travelled occasionally, and when he’d return, I’d go over to his place, and we’d spend the night together. On this particular occasion, he had just returned from a trip, and I was with him, but someone else kept blowing up his phone. Naturally, I was intrigued, so after he had gone to bed, I decided that it was time for curiosity to kill the cat.
When I unlocked his phone, I realised it was none other than Sofia who was repeatedly texting, so I opened the chat and read through it. That’s when I found out that what Kofi and Sofia had was way more than an innocent friendship. Not only that, but Kofi was also simultaneously messing around with a couple of other people.
I felt betrayed. We had been together for three years. This was someone I loved, someone who, at the time, I could see myself settling down with, so to see how reckless and downright disrespectful he was being to what we had, broke me.
What Happened Next
I stayed. I couldn’t leave. I knew I had to, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave. The only thing was, I slowly started to check out mentally.
As time went on, I became distant. I could not stand the thought of being intimate with him or being with him, period, and he began to notice.
We had planned a trip prior to my discovery, and by the time I had fully come to terms with what I had to do, it was already around the corner, so I decided to wait. Luckily, some things came up, and we had to postpone our trip.
I knew I couldn’t be with him anymore, so I took that as a sign to have the hard conversation. I sat Kofi down and told him everything I had found out— the real nature of his relationship with Sofia, the casual cheating, and even the girls he had flown out to meet him while he was away.
Damage Control
Kofi was super apologetic. He didn’t try to make excuses or justify his cheating. He begged me not to leave and promised to be better for me, for us. I don’t know if I did it out of my love for him or because I felt bad that he was going through a bit of a tough time when I sprung this conversation on him, but I decided to give things another try.
It was during this time that Kofi walked in on a random day with a tattoo of my full government name tattooed on his belly. I was dumbfounded, and I started to think about the gall of this man, who was probably still in contact with some of the girls he had cheated on me with, but somehow still had the audacity to sprawl my name across his stomach.
Having this thought pop up made me curious again, so while Kofi slept at night, I went through his phone again.
This time, I found nothing. I did notice that there was a girl he had been texting, but the texts were totally harmless, borderline innocent.
I broke up with Kofi two weeks after looking through his phone because, though I found nothing, that was proof to me that I could no longer trust him, and I can’t go the rest of my life constantly looking over my shoulder.
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