Ah! The situationship. The soul-sucking grey area of modern dating that a good number of us have come to know and hate. While widely known as the place where all hope of romance comes to die, and arguably an unending source of trauma for all its unwilling victims, there still seems to be some confusion as to what a situationship is.
Luckily, we’re more than happy to clear that up.
What is a Situationship?
A situationship is a relationship in everything but name. It’s basically two people cosplaying a relationship while refusing to define it as one. It has all the intimacy, routines, and closeness reserved for people who are actually together, but it’s constantly shadowed by the question: “What are we?”
Situationship vs. Talking Stage: What’s the Difference?
This is where things tend to get a bit confusing, so let’s clear it up. A talking stage has direction. A situationship does not.
In the talking stage, both people are aware that they are, for lack of a better word, being auditioned for something. There’s an unspoken (sometimes spoken) understanding that you’re figuring out if you’re compatible enough for a relationship. It’s tentative, but it’s moving somewhere.
A situationship, on the other hand, has already had all the time in the world to figure out if it can become something or not. But oftentimes, you’d find that one half of this pairing is content to make a home in this grey area of uncertainty.
Situationship vs. FWB: What’s the Difference?
The difference here is honesty and clarity. A Friend With Benefits dynamic is a situationship’s more self-aware cousin, in the sense that everyone involved makes their intentions extremely clear. Both people know exactly what they are getting into: casual, physical, no-strings-attached, and free to see other people. Nobody is confused, and nobody is under the misconception that it will turn into anything more.
A situationship never gives you the dignity of having that conversation.
Telltale Signs That You Are in a Situationship
While every situationship has its own flavor of chaos, there are a few foundational signs that cut across them all.
1. It’s a relationship in all but name
It looks like a relationship, talks like a relationship, and walks like a relationship, but isn’t a relationship.
You’re both “going with the flow.” Which, in theory, sounds harmless. Going with the flow is fine as long as “the flow” is actually going somewhere. And in this case, it isn’t.
Basically, you exist in one of Schrödinger’s experiments if he were a love doctor and not a physicist. Simultaneously together and not together, with no one willing to open the box and check.
2. It feels like there’s an invisible leash
You’re not exclusive, but the thought of entertaining anyone else feels like cheating.
Sometimes it’s because of the flicker of jealousy, manufactured to keep you in check the moment someone else shows interest in you, or the moment you seem remotely interested in someone else.
Other times, you’re kept on a leash by something that sounds like the promise of a future but somehow falls short of one.
The popular culprits are usually something along the lines of, “I’m not ready for a relationship right now,” or “I’m still figuring a couple of things out,” said with neither the intention nor the enthusiasm of someone who’s being honest, but with just enough conviction to make it sound like there’s one small, temporary obstacle standing between you and something real.
Either way, you end up giving relationship-level loyalty to someone who offers seasonal breadcrumbs to keep you right where they want you.
3. There is no future in sight
Apart from the somewhat constant communication, random 2 a.m. “you up?” texts, and a movie date now and again, there’s really nothing more to this “relationship.”
No conversations that hint at any form of progression, no mention of meeting their family, and although you probably know all their friends by name, you’ve never met a single one. If you have, you’ve never been introduced as anything more than a friend.
The relationship exists solely in the moment, contained entirely between the two of you, with nothing that suggests it extends any further than that.
Am I In a Situationship or Just Moving Slow?
Before you diagnose yourself, it’s important to know that not every undefined thing is a situationship. Some people are simply slow burners, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
The major difference here is that there’s a clear progression in your relationship, and there are a few simple ways to tell.
- There’s been an actual conversation acknowledging what you both are or could be, even loosely.
- The amount of effort being dedicated to what you have keeps escalating over time. You spend more time together, get increasingly vulnerable with one another, and develop a sense of trust
- You’ve met at least some people who matter to them.
- They don’t flinch or deflect when you talk about wanting more.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, a situationship is more than an inconvenience because when left unresolved, it may start to chip away at your self-esteem and, in more toxic cases, your mental well-being.
So if you’ve read this far and recognized a little too much of yourself in it: it might be time to ask the question you’ve been avoiding. Not because clarity is a nice-to-have, but because you deserve to know if you’re building toward an actual relationship, casually dating someone, or simply getting your time wasted.
Leave a Reply